It’s Me, Snitches!
Stop the presses: I’M BACK! Less in an Eminem highly anticipated, back-by-popular-demand type of way and more in a Limp Bizkit “Huh, You Left?” type of way. You might be wondering what brought me back to the wonderful world of Tumblr. Well, I’ve started up again on that weight loss grind and boy oh boy is it a #struggle. I thought maybe this time around I would try to share my experience a little with the good people of Tumblr. To recap: I lost a pretty sizable amount of weight in college between my sophomore and senior years through the tried and true method of diet and exercise. Then I took a little involuntary/who-am-I-kidding-totally-voluntary break last year while I was on that intern/job search hustle and put a little bit back on. I’m still on the job hustle, I’m just not using it as an excuse not to work out or eat right anymore. Anyway, I’m about 2-3 months in and I’m down about 25 lbs. so far.
I know what you’re thinking: why didn’t you start this 2 months ago or even 3 years ago when you first started losing the weight? The answer is simple: I’m not great under pressure. Just ask my mom or my brother or my 6th grade AYSO soccer team. And sometimes not even real pressure but the imaginary kind, like passing the same person in the hall at work twice or counting out exact change at the grocery store. The results can be unpredictable. I like to think it’s part of my charm, the other members of the 1999 AYSO Bee-Ware would say it’s part of what cost us the semi-finals.
I went back and forth a little bit about talking openly about this here but then I realized 2 things: A) No one reads this shit & B) Who gives a shit? It’s my blog, snitches! This weight loss journey (*throws up everywhere*) has been a lengthy one with it’s share of ups and downs, but writing about it has always been a big help. Maybe posting about it here will be a second line of defense in keeping me accountable. Getting healthy ain’t no joke, people. Unlike, but also very much like, Beyoncé I did not wake up like this. It took hours of San Fernando Valley spin classes bonding with 40+ year old women, countless hikes through the hills of Berkeley including one during which a little old lady hit me with her 1998 champagne Lexus LS, gaggles of girl push-ups, and dozens of skipped meals. I kid, I kid. Never starve yourself. I’ve lived in California my entire life and almost didn’t pass a class called “Introduction to Oceans.” You should never take any scientific advice from me. The point is, I’m going for Round 2 and you’re along for the ride. And if you have any questions about my commitment to exercise, just remember you this: I passed the same dead rat 6 times on one of my walks this week. 6 times. As the great Kanye West said, who gon’ stop me?
But it won’t all just be BMI and Smart Ones Key Lime Pie talk, Tumblr. I’m a dynamic, multifaceted individual living an illustrious life. Currently, I’m chaperoning my brother’s pool party, which looks an awful lot like laying in bed with the curtains drawn watching “The Lusty Men” on TCM. I don’t know a whole lot about kids these days and their parties, but there’s entirely too much singing going on so far. 3 songs in 30 minutes seems like a ratio for trouble. Singing is for in the shower or in the car until you accidentally make eye contact with the person in the car next to you in the middle of “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” and all the blood drains from your face.
Anyway, I’m trying to tap dance along the line of good daughter guilted into spending her Saturday night watching a bunch of college kids get drunk while her parents are in Wine Country and effortlessly cool sister who’s not trying to harsh anyone’s mellow. It’s a delicate dance, Tumblr, but it mostly just means not being seen or heard unless someone breaks something. Unfortunately, I lack the appropriate Milford training so I will probably have to sneak out to prepare a surreptitious cup of tea, but isn’t that cool in a very meta sort of way? I’m nothing if not meta.
Well I think that about covers it. Make sure to tune in next week when I’ll either be discussing the plight/glory of being tall or quantum mechanics. Not sure which yet…
(Side note: I know this is a controversial opinion, but I feel like I gotta put it out there. “It’s Me Bitches” was hands down the most underrated song of ‘07. There, I said it. And if it wasn’t playing in the delivery room during the birth of Little Baby Egypt Beatz, well that’s just a national travesty. Check the kicks: )